Depression in a long-distance relationship is very common. If you are in this type of relationship, you may have experienced it already.
Depression in a long-distance relationship is a feeling of sadness and emptiness. This feeling can take over your life and ruin your relationship. While depression may feel overwhelming and at times debilitating, there are healthy ways you can deal with it or help your long-distance partner to manage theirs.
In this article, we’ll talk about depression and how it affects your relationship? So, let’s have a look at why long-distance couples find themselves depressed and what can you do about it.
Clinical depression and depression as a disorder are outside of the scope of this article. If you are unsure about whether or not you have clinical depression, check in with your doctor.
Can you get depression from a long-distance relationship?
When you are in a long-distance relationship, you go for a long time without seeing your romantic partner. When you are in a romantic relationship, you expect to have physical closeness and an intimate connection with the person you chose to be with.
But, in a long-distance relationship, you get to be by yourself most of the time, so it can be confusing to feel alone while in a relationship. It can come to the point where you drift apart, or your feelings fade away, then you may lose interest in your long-distance relationship.
If you don’t communicate effectively, your conversations can become boring, and this can make it even harder to stay in such a relationship.
If you find yourself in a long-distance relationship, that you no longer enjoy, you may start getting depressed. Ideally, the moment your relationship isn’t working, you’d be able to find out the issues and fix them together with your partner.
However, every situation is different. You may feel afraid of being alone. Or you may have gotten attached to this person, and you don’t want to let them go.
One thing to keep in mind is that if you are not joyful and happy in your current long-distance relationship, it’s time to make some changes.
Take some time to reflect on your relationship and see if it is contributing to your general well-being or not.
If you find that you are depressed more often than happy, express your feelings to your long-distance partner. If your partner is interested in you and your relationship, they will try to work things out.
Whichever way it works out, it will still be better than being stuck in a relationship that leaves you feeling depressed. When you are depressed, you feel stuck, there is no way out, you don’t see options, and after some time you lose any hope that things will get better.
Depression from loneliness in a long-distance relationship
When you start a long-distance relationship, you should know what it involves. A long-distance relationship is a romantic relationship with a partner that is away from you for weeks at a time.
By definition, you are going to spend a lot of time alone, even though you are in a romantic relationship. The obvious problem with this is that if you want to be close and physically intimate, you won’t be able to do it very often.
While long-distance relationships can be relatively easy to manage for a few months, after more extended periods, you may start feeling sad, alone, and depressed. It’s confusing to realise why you are alone while in a relationship.
The fact that you formed a romantic relationship means that you need physical intimacy. In a long-distance relationship, you can only be physically intimate with your partner when you visit each other. This lack of physical intimacy can create sexual frustration and put a strain on your relationship.
When you are feeling frustrated, it also impacts other aspects of your life and your well-being in general.
To manage a long-distance relationship, you must have effective communication, openness and understanding, and end date for when you will move in together. Without the above, you may find yourself stuck in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere, and that doesn’t make you happy.
This continuous feeling of loneliness and the belief that there is nothing you can do about it may lead to you feeling depressed.
Post-visit depression in a long-distance relationship
Your visits in a long-distance relationship are quite precious. Unless you have the means to see each other as often as I’d like, when you do see each other it’s a special time.
Usually, long-distance couples spend their time together enjoying each other’s company and having fun. I would advise you to take this opportunity to talk about your feelings and to catch up with how your long-distance relationship is going.
Some topics can be hard to discuss online. So when you meet, you get a chance to talk about topics that are deeper, more personal and more meaningful.
After you spend a few days together, it’s time to get back to your separate lives. Depression after your long-distance relationship visit is very similar to the feeling down after some festivities or holidays.
During your visit, you realise how amazing it is to be together, but when you move away, you know exactly what you’re missing out while in a long-distance relationship.
One of the effective ways to deal with post-visit depression is to do something fun with people in your proximity.
Depression after ending a long-distance relationship
After being in the long-distance relationship for some time, you may realise that it’s no longer working for you. While it’s perfectly acceptable to end your long-distance relationship, you should do it the right way.
The right way to end your long-distance relationship is by talking about your feelings, doubts and concerns with your partner. Most people decide that they no longer want to be in a relationship, and then find a way to inform their long-distance partner about their decision. I’m afraid that’s not right, and it’s also disrespectful towards your partner and towards yourself.
As long as you’re in a relationship, both you and your partner are responsible for every decision you make. And the outcome of these decisions. You started a long-distance relationship with mutual consent. So it only makes sense if this is how you end your relationship as well.
In any case, even if it feels like the right thing to do, you may still feel depressed after ending your relationship. Whatever your relationship was like, you shared some experiences with another person. You shared your time and space, having conversations and doing different activities.
When you end your relationship, it all goes away. All the good and bad come together and live together.
But it doesn’t have to be so dramatic. As long as you have trust and openness, you can still have some kind of relationship. If your long-distance relationship didn’t work out romantically, maybe it can work for you if you stay friends.
Being in a long-distance relationship with someone who has depression
When you are in a long-distance relationship with someone who is depressed most of the time, you should know how to manage your relationship with that person.
More often than not, when you are in a relationship, you have a certain level of trust, openness, and understanding. If you are to make your long-distance relationship work with someone who has depression, these things become even more critical.
If your long-distance partner is depressed, try to talk to them and find out what is behind the depression. More often than not, your partner is going to have personal issues from past experiences that are making them feel depressed.
Fundamentally, they are the only person who needs to sort out their more profound issues. Sometimes it is enough for a depressed person to talk to someone whom they trust. Other times talking to a professional can be more helpful.
How to deal with a long-distance relationship depression?
You can deal with a long-distance relationship depression by working out the things that make you feel depressed.
For some people, depression comes as a result of past experiences and deep negative beliefs about the low self-value or inability to change things. For others, is the current feelings and circumstances that cause depression.
So the first thing to do is to figure out what exactly is this source of your depression.
Once you know what you are depressed about, you can make a plan to sort it out. It may take some time, but with the right help, there is no reason why you wouldn’t be able to find a way to enjoy life and make the most of what you have.
Coping with a long-distance relationship depression
At a deeper level, it would help if you take a broader look at your long-distance relationship. Suppose you don’t have a plan and a timeline for how long the distance in your relationship will last and when you move in together. In that case, after every visit, you may feel like you have to go back to your miserable life of being away from your partner.
If you see your long-distance relationship as a struggle and it brings you misery, you should reconsider being in this long-distance relationship.
When you are feeling depressed, you may not see or believe that there are other ways of being. So one thing you could do is to reflect on your long-distance relationship and how you feel most of the time while you are in it.
Long-distance relationships only work if you are happy being in such a relationship. Long-distance relationships have many benefits. Although, it may not seem like they do, particularly if you are feeling depressed.
But when you are in the long-distance relationship, you have extra time to engage with your hobbies, go out with your friends, do something fun, read a book, or catch up on your work or study.
Tips for surviving a long-distance relationship depression
If you’re struggling with depression in a long-distance relationship, here are a few tips for you:
- Recognise what is behind your depression.
- If you’re depressed because of a long-distance relationship, maybe it’s not for you.
- If you are depressed because you can’t be with your romantic partner, try to have more frequent visits, or consider moving in together sooner.
Help with depression in a long-distance relationship
If you find yourself depressed, while in a long-distance relationship, there are several ways you can get help. Your first port of call is yourself. You can do a little research about depression and find a few books that can open your mind up to new possibilities and different ways of looking at things.
If you need someone to talk to express your feelings out, you shouldn’t need to look further than your romantic partner. Remember, in a relationship you are in it together, and you can help each other out.
Sometimes getting professional help can go along way to guide you out of your depression and help you build a more positive life and more fulfilling relationship with yourself and the world around you.
If you have any questions and need advice, fill in this questionnaire. I will get back to you with some ideas and will try to point you in the right direction.
Depression in a long-distance relationship isn’t fun. It’s a state of being where you feel lost, sad, alone, and confused. You rarely feel excited and only occasionally feel hopeful.
You might be feeling depressed because of past experiences or due to your current feelings and circumstances. To deal with depression, try to figure out what is causing it. When you know the reason for you feeling depressed, you can find a way to get out of that hopeless darkness.
In a long-distance relationship, every partner brings their energy and their way of looking at the world. If one partner is depressed, it affects the whole relationship. So if you are in a long-distance relationship and one of you was depressed, it comes down to the both of you to figure it out. If you don’t know where to start, you may need some professional help.
How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a long-distance relationship cause depression?
Being away from your romantic partner for a long time can leave you feeling depressed. While the occasional feeling of loneliness and sadness is okay, if it lasts for a long time, that is unhealthy. In which case, you should either find a way to enjoy your long-distance relationship, moving in together or end your relationship altogether.
How to cope with long-distance relationship depression?
To cope with a long-distance relationship depression, you need to find a way to get out of it. Depression isn’t something you should tolerate. It’s a state of mind that isn’t healthy, and that doesn’t contribute to your well-being. While there are many reasons why people find themselves in depression, those who look for help find a way out of it.
How to overcome long-distance relationship depression?
To overcome a long-distance relationship depression try to figure out if you are feeling depressed because of your relationship, because of the long-distance, or for personal reasons. Once you know what is causing your depression, you can find a way to work on that aspect of your life. If you are in a loving relationship with trust and understanding, your partner can be the perfect person to help you.
How to get over long-distance relationship depression?
The only way to get over a long-distance relationship depression is by sorting out things that make you feel depressed. If you are depressed for personal reasons because of past experiences, read some books, talk to a professional, and take the time to reflect on your life and decide where you’re going. If the reason for your depression is a long-distance relationship, try to find a way to fix the issues that make you feel depressed, or realise if your relationship is making it worse.
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