When you are getting to know someone in a long-distance relationship you should consider two things: how to communicate and what conversation topics can help you get to know your special someone.
3 Stages of getting to know someone in a long-distance relationship:
- Online dating to see if the conversation flows.
- Getting to know each other better by discussing meaningful things.
- Visiting each other to see how you get on when you are physically together.
You met a person who picked your interest. They live far away, but you like them and are thinking about starting a long-distance relationship. You know you like them, but you also want to know how they feel about you.
Here we will focus on how you can make the most out of being in a long-distance relationship. Getting to know each other in a long-distance relationship differs slightly from how you’d do it if you were together. Maintaining the connection in a long-distance relationship differs slightly from when you are together. In a long-distance relationship, you don’t have the luxury to observe your partner’s body language.
Getting to know someone long-distance is a little different from getting to know them face to face. It may seem a little alien in the beginning. A new long-distance relationship may feel exciting, but it can also get confusing.
You will have some misunderstandings and that’s ok. We all make mistakes when we learn something new and getting to know a person, particularly from a distance may be a bit tricky. But it doesn’t have to be a heartache just because you can’t see each other. In fact, it can be helpful to have the time to respond to questions and ask your own.
Getting to know someone in a long-distance relationship without physical intimacy has its limits. Physical intimacy is a big part of a romantic relationship. When you are getting to know someone online, you can’t be close. So you won’t know what it feels like to be together until you meet.
Ways to get to know someone long-distance
With distance, physical intimacy is limited (frequency of visits depends on time and money). A long-distance is about how often you can see your partner, rather than the distance itself. It comes down to having the time and money to cross the distance. Each person has a different need for intimacy. So, longer periods between visits will be harder for the person who needs the physical touch more often.
Staying connected in a long-distance relationship while getting to know someone online
To maintain the connection in a long-distance relationship is slightly different than when you are together. A large portion of communication is done through body language. In a long-distance relationship, you don’t have the luxury to observe your partner’s body.
To understand each other, you rely mostly on verbal and written communication. The clearer you can express yourself through words, the easier it will be for your partner to understand what you mean. A lack of physical touch makes it harder to maintain an emotional connection.
Getting to know another person normally involves a lot of touching. Physical touch can reassure you that all is well and it can also tell you if something is wrong. Without physical contact, it’s hard to navigate the state of your relationship. You have already met this person in real life, so you know how it feels when you are together. But, how do you stay connected without body language and physical contact?
Physical Intimacy while getting to know someone in a long-distance relationship
A romantic relationship involves physical intimacy. With distance, physical intimacy is limited (frequency of visits depends on time and money). A long-distance relationship becomes a problem when you can’t see each other as often as you’d like. It comes down to having the time and money to cross the distance. Each person has a different need for intimacy. So, longer periods between visits will be harder for the person who needs the physical touch more often.
Get to know someone in a long-distance relationship during the visits
Visits in a long-distance relationship are considered a luxury. Couples tend to ignore all the problems just to enjoy the little time they have together. We are going to have a slightly different approach…
You’ve seen how you can remain emotionally connected and make the most out of your time apart. Talking about your feelings, helps you to feel understood. When you meet, you can expand on that understanding. It’s a great opportunity to connect everything you have discussed with how it feels when you are together.
During visits, couples ignore all the problems just to enjoy the little time they have together.
I suggest a slightly different approach. You can remain emotionally connected and make the most out of your time apart. Talking about your feelings helps you feel understood. It’s a great opportunity to connect everything you discussed while apart and see how it feels when you are together.
First, get clear on 3 things:
- When are you going to visit each other
- How often are you able to visit each other
- Who will come over
When you meet, you are able to communicate as a couple in real-life circumstances. It’s a perfect opportunity to talk about love, the future, and marriage. Discussing these face to face makes a huge difference because you get to experience physical feelings while talking about something important.
Talking about things like marriage when you are physically connected allows you to better understand how the other person feels about it. When you communicate during your visits, it’s easier to navigate the conversation and explore the things that are really important.
How to get to know someone in a long-distance relationship
After some time getting to know someone over a long-distance, you will want (and need!) to meet them in person. You see, when you are talking to a person online, you imagine what it’s like to be with them. Until you get to experience physical closeness with a person, your brain will create its own reality. The longer this continues, the further this reality will be from the truth.
So what’s wrong with unicorns?
They don’t exist.
When you finally meet after a long relationship online, you will face a real pony and you’ll be disappointed that it doesn’t have a horn. In other words, the more time you spend online, the more stories you will create in your head.
This leads to unrealistic expectations and inevitable disappointments. And it’ll ruin your relationship. Or at least it will be difficult for you to disentangle your feelings from unmet needs and unrealistic expectations. In other words, it’ll complicate things for you. Don’t miss the point between getting to know someone and creating a fairy tale about them.
Once you look at your long-distance relationship from a positive perspective, you can have fun with it. Let’s imagine that you’ve been in touch for a few months and you are 60 pages into the Q&A journal.
By this point, you should know enough about each other to decide if you want to know any more. Before you get into the fairy tale land of your own creation, it’s a good time for you to meet each other for the first time.
Doing most things for the first time can be both worrying and exciting. So let’s have a look at how you can focus on the latter…
Getting to know someone new is exciting but the distance can put extra strain on your relationship. You are in a new long-distance relationship. You’ve started a long-distance relationship with someone special.
Getting to know someone over a long-distance has its benefits:
- You can talk to several people at the same time.
- You can take the time to ask the right questions.
- You don’t have to respond straight away, which allows you to think before you reply.
Getting to know someone in a long-distance relationship is different from getting to know someone face to face:
- In a long-distance relationship, you may find it easier to bring up topics that would be difficult for you to do otherwise.
- In a long-distance relationship, there’s a boundary of how often you should speak to your special someone.
- A long-distance relationship can be a period of learning each other’s personalities, values, and beliefs.
How to get to know someone better long-distance
When you are dating online, first, see if the conversation flows. If you find someone that’s easy to talk to, it’s a good sign that you can start a long-distance relationship with that person. When you click with someone, you don’t need to force your conversation, so just embrace it and see where it takes you. Little by little you will get your answers.
Sometimes, even if the conversation flows, some important things may not come up. This is why it’s not a bad idea to have a Q&A Journal that can help you to get to know someone better in a long-distance relationship.
Getting to know someone better, means getting to know their deeper values and beliefs. General conversations you have in the early stages of your relationship are more about having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Through deeper conversations, you get to know them better as a person.
In a healthy long-distance relationship, there is a mix of having fun talking to each other and meaningful conversations that help you connect on a deeper level.
Where you come from and what you have been through. This helps better understand another person and the reasons for their actions. Your feelings, needs, values, and preferences. Talk about your feelings, needs, values, and preferences. Any successful relationship depends on your ability to express your feelings and recognise the feelings of your partner.
Your ability to express how you feel and what you need directly impacts the success of your relationship. Get comfortable sharing your feelings with each other and discussing them without judgement. Include the above in your daily repertoire of conversations, and it will open the door to an honest and loving relationship.
Take notes of how you feel.
Over time, it will give you an invaluable insight into how your feelings change and develop. Take notes of the events so you can correlate these events with your feelings.
Here’s a conversation starters card game. It’s a fun way to talk about questions that you might find tricky or awkward to bring up by yourself. Playing with physical cards while on a phone or a video chat will bring something tangible in your long-distance relationship.
Get to know what they like and dislike
Your first step to getting to know someone in a long-distance relationship is to find out what they like and how they like it. Then you can see if you like the same things. Get to know what’s important for them. While you can get by without what you like, there are things that are important to you.
Tell your partner what things are important, so they don’t expect you to compromise them. Your partner also has some things that they can be ok with either way. You need to know what’s important to them, so you don’t expect them to compromise them either.
Get to know their beliefs
Beliefs create our reality. What’s true for you, may not hold true for your special someone. For you to have a healthy relationship, you should know each other beliefs and be ok with them. Get to know what they want from your future relationship.
For you to have a healthy relationship, both of you should know where you see your relationship in the future. Do you want to live in a similar place, have kids, focus on your careers, or just have fun for a little while. For this, you need to be able to communicate with each other. Here’s an article to help you learn effective communications in a long-distance relationship.
Questions to ask when getting to know someone long-distance
General questions about life:
- What do you want in life and from your relationship?
- What are your personal and relationship goals?
Questions about physical intimacy in your long-distance relationship:
- How often does each of you need physical intimacy?
- Do you need it as often as each other?
- Does one of you need it more?
Questions about visiting someone in a long-distance relationship:
- When are you going to visit each other?
- How often are you able to visit each other?
- Who is going to come over?
Tips on getting to know someone in a long-distance relationship
A romantic relationship involves physical intimacy. To remain connected you need 2 things: keep in touch and maintain the emotional connection.
Here are some things you can do while getting to know someone long distance:
- Agree the best way for you to communicate (messages, video calls, phone calls, text conversation)
- Decide together on how often you want to keep in touch (see what works for you).
- Schedule your conversations
- Clearly express yourself
- Get comfortable talking about your feelings
Problems are not scary if you know how to deal with them.
Playing with physical cards while on a phone or a video chat will bring something tangible in your long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationship gifts and bracelets are a nice way to demonstrate your affection.
If you’ve gone through all three stages and are ready for the next step, try living together for a few months to see how you work as a couple. Getting to know each other in a long-distance relationship is slightly different from how you’d do it if you were together. The main difference is in the way you communicate.
Lack of physical touch makes it difficult to tell how your relationship is going. Without seeing the other person in from of you, takes away the body language signals. Without these signals, you rely on written and verbal communication to trust that what they say is how they feel. It can be hard to navigate your relationship long-distance. But, it doesn’t have to be a struggle.
With the right approach, described in this chapter you can make long-distance work for you. If you see it as a temporary period, you can use the time apart to learn about each other. During your visits, you can see if what you know fits with how you feel when you are together. If it does, consider moving in together. There is no point dragging it out.
If you feel that you are happy together and believe that your relationship can work, give it a go. In another article, we will see how you can tell that it’s time for a change and how to make it happen. It will help you decide whether to move in or to move on. You can’t read their body language, so you rely on written and verbal communication to share your feelings.
It’s hard to navigate your relationship long-distance. It will help you decide whether to move in or move on. If you are just starting a long-distance relationship, here’s an article that will help you out. Otherwise, read on to find out how you can get to know someone you just met who lives far away.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How do you get to know someone long-distance?
When you are getting to know someone long-distance, you can talk to them online or during the visits. While you are apart, you can also play online games, do relationship quizzes, and work with a couple’s journals. Learn more
What do you talk about before a long-distance relationship?
Before you start a long-distance relationship, talk about what you want from this relationship. Check that your goals align and that you are ok with each other’s values and beliefs. Learn more
What questions do you ask in a long-distance relationship?
You can ask each other general questions to learn about your lives and history. In a long-distance relationship, it’s important to discuss your need for physical intimacy. Learn more
How do you keep a conversation going long-distance?
In a harmonious long-distance relationship, conversations should flow easily by itself. But if there are things that you’d like to discuss but not sure how to bring them up, a couple’s journal can help you do that. Learn more
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