It’s common to feel insecure in a long-distance relationship. But the insecurities can mess up with our head and your relationship.
Insecurity in a long-distance relationship can put a lot of strain on you and your partner. Doubts and insecurities about yourself or your relationship can become more prominent when you are in a long-distance relationship. For a successful relationship, you should discuss these insecurities and uncertainties with your long-distance partner before they ruin your relationship.
Insecurities and jealousy, tend to be plastered together when it comes to talking about long-distance relationships. While insecurity and jealousy are connected, they are different concepts.
In this article will talk about insecurities in a long-distance relationship and how you can overcome them.
If you would like to learn more about jealousy in a long-distance relationship, check out this article.
What Are Insecurities in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Insecurity is defined as the uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; also as a lack of confidence.
We all have insecurities and uncertainties in our lives. Insecurities originate from past experiences that form believes that we are somehow inadequate in one way or another. These are personal insecurities.
When two people form a relationship, each of them brings their insecurities into the relationship. It isn’t straightforward because each person has their beliefs, values, and preferences. A relationship is a complicated dynamic between two people. Each person wants the environment and relationship to be in a certain way.
While two people can love each other and enjoy being together, sooner or later, every healthy relationship requires a bit of work. For a healthy relationship, both partners need to be willing to understand each other’s point of view and be able to express their own.
When we know what insecurities we have about ourselves, we can work on them and allow our partners to help us. It’s more challenging to deal with insecurities that go unnoticed. Doubts and uncertainties that skip our awareness influence our behaviour a lot more.
These unseen insecurities are the ones that get us to do things without us understanding why we are doing them.
Having a romantic partner, a person you trust can be helpful to realise how our insecurities drive our behaviour and how this behaviour affects the relationship.
How Do Insecurities Affect a Long-Distance Relationship?
Long-distance relationships are full of uncertainties. You can plan your long-distance relationship, how long it will last and how you will manage it while being apart. But the longer you are away from your romantic partner, the more anxious and uncertain you feel about your relationship.
Long-distance relationships aren’t meant to last a long time. Having a plan allows you to have and maintain a healthy long-distance relationship for a few months. But a long-term, long-distance relationship in most cases becomes a struggle and brings more suffering than joy.
When you are struggling in a long-distance relationship, your personal insecurities and those of your long-distance partner will increase your anxiety about a long-distance relationship.
If you don’t have a plan, it will be hard to maintain a long-distance relationship. When you are away from your long-distance partner, you would want to spend a lot of time talking to them over the phone or video calls. But this can lead to a problem of excessive communication.
When you don’t plan your visit, you don’t know the next time you will see your partner. This can make you feel alone. It can be confusing for your mind and your body to come to terms with the reason that you are alone while having a romantic partner.
The only way you can maintain a healthy long-distance relationship is by dealing with your insecurities and having a plan to manage the uncertainties that come as part of a long-distance relationship. You can do it through effective communication.
Dealing with Insecurities in a Long-Distance Relationship
The most effective way to deal with insecurities in a long-distance relationship is to talk openly and honestly about them to your long-distance partner.
It can be very uncomfortable to talk about your insecurities. It’s even uncomfortable to see them in yourself. But the beauty of having someone you trust, like a romantic partner is that you’re able to share your intimate things with them.
To do that, you need to be able to express yourself openly and clearly to your partner. They, in turn, must have a willingness to care about listening to what you have to share.
This, of course, goes both ways. When you and your long-distance partner can express yourself to each other openly and clearly with trust, in all honesty, that is a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.
Without a plan, long-distance relationships can be hard to navigate. This workbook can help you keep track of your plan and when things are meant to be happening to keep you on track with your relationship goals.
How to Avoid Insecurity in a Long-Distance Relationship?
You can avoid facing your personal insecurities and uncertainties about your long-distance relationship. But doing so is unhealthy, and it won’t help you to maintain a strong long-distance relationship.
If you are feeling uncomfortable discussing your doubts with your long-distance partner, that could be assigned to you are not trusting them completely. Without trust, you can’t have a successful relationship.
With that in mind, if you have things on your mind or the feelings that are bothering you, it would be best if you were to share them with your long-distance partner. If you can do that, it will reassure you that you can trust your partner enough to share your most personal and most intimate things about you.
It’s crucial that your partner also feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.
Trust goes both ways. If only one partner is opening up, while the other one doesn’t, this can lead to an unbalanced relationship.
If you feel like your relationship is having no direction, you can reassess your personal and relationship goals to reassure you, you and your partner are still going in the same direction. This workbook can help you to have clear goals for your relationship.
How to Overcome Insecurity in a Long-Distance Relationship?
The only way to overcome insecurity is to face it and express it. By talking about your insecurities, you’re taking away their power over you and your behaviour.
If you can’t openly talk about your insecurities, they will significantly affect your behaviour and your relationship. It can be helpful to discuss your personal insecurities and uncertainties about your relationship with your long-distance partner.
However, it’s even more critical that you learn about yourself regardless of your relationship. Throughout your life, many people come and go. But the only person that’s always there with you from start to end is yourself.
So, your relationship with yourself is the first relationship you need to work on. The better you know yourself, the more chances you have of having a healthy relationship with another person.
The first step to building a relationship with yourself is to discover your insecurities, and realise that all they are uncertainties and misguided beliefs.
If you would like to learn more about building a healthy relationship with yourself, check out Louise Hay.
If you would like some help and guidance with managing your long-distance relationship, talk to a relationship coach, you can send a message here.
Insecurities and distrust lead to suspicions. In other words, when you have personal insecurities, and you don’t trust your partner completely, you will start being suspicious of them. You will want to know what they do and who they are with all the time. Later on, this will manifest as controlling behaviour.
The moment you try to control your long-distance partner, they will start being defensive. Their defensiveness can manifest as an unwillingness to share things with you.
If your partner feels overpowered by your controlling behaviour, they might go along with what you want. But in doing so, they will compromise their freedom and ability to do what they want to do with their life and time.
While it may appear reassuring to you that your partner does what you want and you will feel less insecure for some time, for a long term relationship it won’t work and it will make both of you unhappy.
If you notice yourself being controlling of your long-distance partner, try to identify the insecurities that you have. However, it may not be easy to see them. But you can guess things that make you feel insecure.
The best thing you can do is talk about them with your long-distance partner. There is a chance your partner will be able to tell you something that you might struggle to see for yourself about you or your behaviour.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How to deal with insecurity in a long-distance relationship?
To deal with insecurities in a long-distance relationship, consider separating them into personal insecurities and the ones that have to do with your relationship. Long-distance relationships come with a lot of uncertainties, that leave you feeling doubtful and anxious. The best way to deal with them is to share what’s on your mind with your long-distance partner. It’s easier to find a solution when you can openly talk about doubts and insecurities with someone you trust.
How do I stop being insecure in a long-distance relationship?
You can stop being insecure about your long-distance relationship by talking about your doubt with your partner. One practical thing you can do is to make a plan and a timeline. Having a plan will reassure you about how long your long-distance relationship will last and how you can manage your communication and your visit until you move in together.