When you are in a long-distance relationship, you can find yourself feeling jealous, even if you are not a jealous person in general.
Jealousy in a long-distance relationship is common. When you’re away from your romantic partner, it’s normal for your mind to wonder where they are, what are they doing and who they are with. The best way to deal with jealousy is to express it to your long-distance partner.
When it comes to relationships, jealousy and insecurities tend to be bundled together. But they are very different concepts, and it’s worth understanding what each of them is all about.
Here, we’ll talk about jealousy in a long-distance relationship. If you want to learn more about insecurities and how they affect your long-distance relationship, check out this article.
What Is Jealousy in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Being jealous is defined as feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.
In a long-distance relationship, you might be jealous of your partner’s friends who get to spend more time with them than you. You might also be jealous of your partner’s lifestyle or well-being.
If you find yourself suffering in your long-distance relationship, while your partner seems to be okay with it or even enjoying having time to spend doing the things they’re like, you may also feel jealous.
When you don’t see your romantic partner for weeks at a time, it’s natural for you to have some doubt about what they’re up to. Even if you trust them, you may still feel a little uncertain about what they do and with whom.
Because of this uncertainty, your insecurities can give rise to doubts towards your partner and your long-distance relationship. These doubts can turn into distrust which in turn can become an issue that may compromise your relationship.
To maintain a healthy relationship, you should know how to keep these doubts and insecurities in check.
If you don’t, they can manifest as jealousy, and nobody likes a jealous partner who is trying to control every aspect of their partner’s life and doubt their trustworthiness.
Is Jealousy Normal in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Jealousy is normal in a long-distance relationship in the way that you can expect to be jealous or to have a jealous partner. But just because jealousy is common among long-distance partners, doesn’t mean it contributes to a healthy long-distance relationship.
Normal only means that a lot of couples in long-distance relationships experience jealousy. But, this doesn’t mean it’s ok nor healthy. Jealousy comes as a result of doubts and insecurities that come from uncertainty.
Uncertainty is an innate part of a long-distance relationship.
When you are away from your romantic partner, you can’t help but feel that you are alone, while in the relationship. This confusion results in anything from sexual frustration to sadness of being alone.
Jealousy of Friends in a Long-Distance Relationship
When you are away from your long-distance partner, you can find yourself being jealous of their friends. The reason you are feeling jealous is that your partner’s friends can do something you cannot, which is to spend time with your partner.
While you can expect to feel jealous, what matters is how you deal with it. If you don’t handle your jealousy in the right way, it can manifest ina controlling behaviour towards your partner. Directly or indirectly, you may start trying to influence them to spend less time with their friends.
This is a destructive way of dealing with jealousy, and it can ruin your relationship. Instead, you could try talking to your partner about your feelings. Rather than controlling your partner’s behaviour, you could find your friends with whom you can have fun times together.
Bringing something into your life rather than taking something away from your partner’s life is a healthier way to overcome jealousy in a long-distance relationship.
Jealousy Problems in Long-Distance Relationships
Jealousy can bring many problems in your long-distance relationship. Being away from your romantic partner is hard enough as it is. Being jealous will make it even harder for you, and will put more pressure on to your partner.
When you try to control your partner’s life, they can respond in one of the ways. One way your partner can respond to your jealous behaviour is by submitting to it. As an attempt to please you, they may do what you ask.
In case of you being jealous of their friends, your partner may choose to stop seeing them. Doing so will bring about three problems into your relationship:
- As a result, your partner can become miserable because they cannot have fun with their friends.
- Your partner will become resentful towards you because you are the one that made them do it.
- You will feel guilty for depriving them of enjoying their life.
Another way your partner can respond to your jealous behaviour is by rebelling against it. They can either do it silently by continuing seeing their friends and telling you they’re not or telling you or becoming defensive and telling you that you shouldn’t be behaving in this way.
If they confront you directly, that will be a more healthy outcome. At that point, it’s up to you to recognise that you are inviting problems in your relationship and find a way to change that behaviour that is born out of you feeling jealous.
If your partner doesn’t want to confront you or want to avoid an argument, while continuing doing what they want, that will result in them lying to you. The moment one of you starts lying, your trust is compromised. And without trust, you cannot have a healthy long-distance relationship.
Dealing with Jealousy in a Long-Distance Relationship
Here are some tips to help you deal with jealousy:
- Recognise your reason for jealousy.
- Identify your insecurities, both personal and regarding your relationship.
- Figure out the uncertainties that exist in your long-distance relationship.
- Manage the uncertainties by having a plan and a timeline for your long-distance relationship.
- Don’t act on your jealousy.
- Express your doubts and insecurities do your long-distance partner and tell them that you are feeling jealous.
- Ask your partner to help you deal with the doubt and uncertainty that you have regarding your relationship, as well as your personal ones if you choose to.
- If your partner is telling you that your jealous behaviour is bothering them in some way, listen to them, and ask them to tell you more about it.
Jealousy can make you miserable and destroy your relationship. It’s an unhealthy attitude which you should address ASAP if you are to have a successful relationship. If you need help getting started, this workbook is for you:
How to Avoid Jealousy in Long-Distance Relationships?
It will help if you are to recognise the source of your jealousy so that you can avoid it in your long-distance relationship. Figure out what your partner has or does that you feel you cannot have or do.
Don’t confuse jealousy with insecurity, or frustration, or sadness. These are entirely different feelings that come about for various reasons.
Once you understand what you are jealous about, you can find a way to deal with it by talking to your partner and working things out for yourself.
Try to recognise that you are feeling jealous and work with it rather than trying to ignore this feeling of envy. If you don’t express your feelings and face them when they arise, they will have more power over your behaviour. When this happens, you can be caught off-guard by how and why your relationship became so hard or unhealthy.
If you are aware of your feelings, you can recognise them and share them with your long-distance partner. Together, you can discuss how these feelings affect your behaviour and your relationship. If you are unaware of the feelings you have, they will still affect your behaviour, but you will not know why you are doing certain things the way you do.
Unawareness can be damaging for your long-distance relationship because your behaviour is going to affect your partner and your relationship in the way that you won’t even recognise.
So, don’t avoid jealousy, but rather try to overcome it.
How to Overcome Jealousy in a Long-Distance Relationship?
To overcome jealousy in a long-distance relationship, confront it face-to-face. There is no running away or hiding from jealousy. If you have certain feelings, you must bring them out of you by sharing them with your partner or writing them down for your reference.
The moment you understand the source of your jealousy and your feelings behind it, there is jealousy becomes less scary.
The only reason you are feeling jealous is that you deny yourself of something that your partner can have or do. Find out what exactly it is that your long-distance partner can do that you can’t. Then ask yourself why can’t you do or have the same things.
For example, if you are jealous of your partner’s friends who get to spend time with your partner, convert envy into joy. Instead of being envious of your partner’s friends, be happy for your partner because they can have a lot of fun times and new experiences in their life.
Once you’re happy for them rather than envying them, you can bring more things into your physical world.
You can hang around with your friends, or you can spend your extra time alone doing the things you like your hobbies, or you can spend this time learning something new.
How to Cope with Jealousy in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Jealousy can put an unnecessary strain on your long-distance relationship. When you are away from your romantic partner for life for a long time, it’s hard enough. Even in a healthy long-distance relationship, you will have to deal with sexual frustration and sadness from being alone.
Jealousy isn’t part of a healthy long-distance relationship, Even though it’s quite common for couples to have to deal with it.
If you find yourself feeling jealous, and you don’t deal with it in the way we talked about earlier, it will make your long-distance relationship even more challenging and harder to manage.
So the real answer on how to cope with jealousy, is that you shouldn’t need to cope with it. If you feel jealous, understand the source of your envy and find a way to explore and express your feelings to your long-distance partner.
Managing these feelings can be hard to do by yourself. But that’s why you have a romantic partner, a person who you trust and with whom you can share the most intimate parts of your life.
The best way to cope with jealousy is to understand the reality of your situation, express your feelings and take time to listen to your partner. If you don’t know where to begin, check out this workbook:
Controlling Jealousy in a Long-Distance Relationship
The only way to control jealousy in the long-distance relationship is by recognising what are you jealous about. Then, you deal with the reasons for your jealousy rather than trying to control your feelings of being jealous.
Once you’ve dealt with your doubts and insecurities, and share them with your long-distance partner, jealousy will no longer be there. So you won’t need to spend your energy trying to control something that doesn’t exist in your relationship.
How to Get rid of Jealousy in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Here are 5 steps to help you get rid of jealousy in a long-distance relationship:
- Understand what you’re jealous about.
- Recognise the reason for your jealousy.
- Identify your doubts and insecurities about your personal life and your long-distance relationship.
- Write down everything you discover for yourself.
- Share your discoveries with your long-distance partner and ask them to help you.
When you are jealous, you want something that somebody else has. You may also believe that you are unworthy or incapable of having that.
Being jealous of your long-distance partner can lead to controlling behaviour from your side because you don’t want anyone else having your partners company and attention apart from you.
The best way to deal with jealousy in a long-distance relationship is to substitute your envy for happiness. And, instead of trying to take something away from your partner, bring that something into your life.
How can COUPLES COACHING help you?
1. Subscribe to our Newsletter
Receive Tips & Advice on how you can improve your relationship.
2. Read our Blog
Learn all there is to know about relationships and how to make them work. Here you can find helpful articles for every aspect of your relationship.
3. Buy a Workbook
Check out our selection and choose the most relevant workbook for your relationship.
4. If you help right now…
If you have a burning issue…
If you are facing an important decision…
If you are lost and unsure about your relationship…Book a Coaching Session
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stop being jealous in a long-distance relationship?
You can stop being jealous by doing these two things. First, transform envy for someone’s fortune into the happiness that this person has something to enjoy. Secondly, instead of trying to take something away from your partner’s life, bring that something into your own life so that you can be happy for yourself as well.
How to handle jealousy in a long-distance relationship?
The only way to handle jealousy in a long-distance relationship is by confronting it face-to-face. Don’t try to avoid jealousy, manage it or cope with it. As long as you are feeling jealous, you are making yourself and your partner unhappy. Furthermore, you are putting an extra strain on your long-distance relationship, which is already hard enough to maintain. Focus on understanding the reason for your jealousy, and sorting it out, so you can get rid of it once and for all.
How to make my partner jealous in a long-distance relationship?
Jealousy in a long-distance relationship brings a lot of suffering to you, your partner, and your relationship. Trying to find a way to make your partner jealous doesn’t contribute to a healthy relationship and will only make it more complicated and less enjoyable.
How do you deal with jealousy in a long-distance relationship?
To deal with jealousy in a long-distance relationship, it helps if you understand the reason you are jealous. Once you know what you are jealous about, please don’t act on it by trying to control your partner. Instead of being envious of someone, be happy for them. Also, rather than trying to take something away from your partner, bring that something into your life.
How to control jealousy in a long-distance relationship?
Instead of trying to control jealousy in a long-distance relationship, try to get rid of it. Once you understand the reason for your jealousy and address the source of this feeling, the jealousy will disappear. Trying to control jealousy, will keep this jealousy alive and will take a lot of time and energy that you can better spend on your personal life and your long-distance relationship.