You’ve met someone you like over a long-distance relationship, you got to know each other. But did you get to know each other well enough to move in together?
Moving for long-distance relationship is a life-changing experience. Moving in is a crucial phase in your long-distance relationship, so take the time to feel comfortable and do it the right way. Before moving in together with your long-distance partner, you should consider a few things and ask some questions.
- Is it worth moving for love?
- How long should you date long-distance before moving?
- How do you know when to relocate?
- How to close the distance in a relationship?
- What should you talk about before moving in together?
- Who should move in a long-distance relationship?
- Can moving in together save a relationship?
- Can moving in together ruin a relationship?
- Is it normal to fight when you move in together?
- Can you move out without breaking up?
Living with another person can be challenging. Closing the distance after a long-distance relationship is life-changing. A plan can help you stay grounded during the emotional rollercoaster of getting to know someone long-distance and decide whether to move in together or not.
What does moving in together mean?
Moving in after a long-distance relationship is a significant decision in your life. If you are the one moving, you are swapping a long-distance relationship with your partner for a long-distance relationship with your family and friends.
How to increase your chances of a successful transition:
- Assess and discuss the personal and practical aspects of your move.
- Move-in together for a short while, to see how you get on.
You may feel that you are getting on well while having a long-distance relationship. And living together can be a lot of fun, but it can also become full of compromises. Before you know it, instead of enjoying each other, you may find yourself tolerating each other.
To get ahead of it, I recommend you check out the book by Marshal Rosenberg, where he teaches how to recognise and express your feelings, needs and preferences.
While you can never know for sure, taking a moment to reflect on some of the following points could give you an idea to consider before moving in. It’ll help you increase the chances of a successful transition.
Here are the steps to move for a long-distance relationship:
- Create a successful long-distance relationship before moving in together
- Discuss how moving in and living together will work
- Move-in together in steps
Is it worth moving for love?
When you love someone, the distance shouldn’t matter. But in many circumstances it does. Some people can be very much in love, but might not have the means to move in together.
The most important question you should ask yourself and your long-distance partner are: Are you ready for moving in together?
Before moving in after a long-distance relationship, consider personal and practical aspects of your relationship.
To answer the following questions, you need two things: knowing how to express yourself and being able to hear your partner.
Personal aspects of your long-distance relationship to consider before moving in together:
- Get to know each other as much as you can before moving in together.
- Share what’s important to you.
- What are you flexible about?
- What are you unwilling to compromise?
- Learn about your partner’s values and beliefs.
- Do you have any common interests?
- What are your personal goals?
- Are you in this relationship to share the joy or because you expect that it will bring you happiness?
- If you are from different countries, is your language good enough to express how you feel and what you want?
- If you are from different cultures, are there any social or cultural obstacles?
Work out your differences and preferences before moving in.
Practical aspects of moving in together after a long-distance relationship:
- Once you are getting along, test your connection by moving in for a short while.
- Move into each other’s place for a week.
- Roleplay living together, rather than just having a holiday.
- Question each other’s habits.
- Test each other’s boundaries.
- How does it feel to have your partner in your personal space?
- How do you feel in their place?
- Discuss your preferences about who is moving and where you will live.
- Assess the financial possibilities and limitations.
- Make sure that both of you are happy with these arrangements without a compromise.
Sometimes, we need another person to challenge us for us to know our boundary.
How long should you date long-distance before moving?
Before moving in together, you should spend a few months getting to know each other online. If you get on well and have many things to talk about, spend several months visiting each other.
Going together on different trips can be a lot of fun. But you should also visit each other at your homes. Seeing how your long-distance partner live their life and seeing their environment will help you understand them better.
How do you know when to relocate?
Once you got to know each other in a long-distance relationship and visited each other for a few months, it’s time to relocate. Relocations is a big deal for most people, so take the time to consider what it involves.
Before relocating, you have to make sure that you are on the same page with your long-distance partner. You must have trust and open and honest communication to navigate through this stage of your long-distance relationship.
First, ask the following questions to yourself.
- Can you be honest with each other?
- Do your values align?
- Do you share some interests?
- Do you want the same things?
Then, ask your partner to do the same and compare your answers. Be honest and open with your long-distance partner.
What should you talk about before moving in together?
Before moving in together, you must have a healthy and successful long-distance relationship.
Some people blame the distance for miscommunication, arguments and confusion.
Communication in a long-distance relationship differs from when you are next to each other. But it doesn’t mean it’s harder. So, if you can’t make it work over the long-distance, don’t expect things to work out only because you are together.
Let’s say you created a successful relationship long-distance. By successful I mean you’ve learnt about each other and still want to be together. You’ve enjoyed talking on the phone and over the texts, and you had fun during your short visits to see each other.
You are ok with each other’s habits, and you can work out things you are not ok with.
Sharing your space with another person comes with a whole new set of problems. If you made your relationship work over a long-distance, you would be more prepared to handle the difficulties of living together.
Here are some tips to help you with your move:
- Discuss how moving in and living together will work.
- Discuss different aspects of your move.
- Are you are comfortable and can communicate freely with your partner?
- Once you are getting along, test your relationship by moving in for a short while.
- First, move into each other’s place for a week.
- Then try it for a few months.
- Alternatively spend a few months together, in a completely different place.
Before you decide to start a new life with your partner in a different place, you want to make sure that both of you are serious about having a relationship. For some couples, it means getting married or starting a family.
It’s good to talk to your long-distance partner to know that your relationship is going in the right direction, and both of you are serious about moving in together.
After you’ve met a few times, you may consider living together. The transition from a long-distance relationship to living together is not simple; there are several things to consider from both sides.
When you are moving in after a long-distance, this is when your relationship begins. Moving in together is a big step for any couple.
Moving to another country, leaving behind everything and everyone you know can be even more challenging. After a long-distance relationship, you should move-in together gradually, rather than leaving all you know behind without the way to get back.
It’s good to have a safety net in case something comes up, or things don’t work out.
How to close the distance in a long-distance relationship?
This question has two aspects: practical and emotional. Practically it may be convenient to move in together or not.
Emotionally you may be driven by excitement and might be tempted to rush into it, or you might be afraid and choose to put it off for a while longer.
Discuss these aspects with your partner to build a better understanding. Moving in together after a long-distance relationship is a life-changing experience. It can be exciting and scary at the same time.
Most couples jump into it headfirst, but this can set a relationship on a different course. With the right approach to this transition, you can give your relationship the best chance of working out.
The decision to move in together can be challenging. A plan can help you stay grounded during the emotional rollercoaster of getting to know someone long-distance. You can test the water and remain in control of your choices all the way. Some blame the distance for miscommunication, arguments and confusion.
Communication is different from when you are next to each other. But, that doesn’t mean it’s harder. If you can’t make it work over a long distance, moving together hoping that somehow things will be better, might not be such a great idea.
Let’s say you were able to create a successful long-distance relationship. By successful I mean you’ve learnt about each other and still want to be together. You’ve enjoyed talking on the phone and over the texts, and you had fun during your short visits to see each other. You are ok with each other’s habits, and you can work out together everything that you are not ok with.
This one major decision comes with a lot of pressure. The person who is moving feels that they have to leave their job and say goodbye to their family and friends. But what if it doesn’t work out? It can be challenging to go back. So you risk being stuck when you don’t feel comfortable without an easy way out.
How to move for a long-distance relationship
The problem couples experience is with the pressure that rides on this one major decision. The person who is moving feels that they have to say goodbye to their family and friends and leave their job.
The doubts may creep in, but don’t worry, here are a few ideas to help you out:
- Move-in together for a short while, cutting no ties with the place you are leaving.
- Start by living for one week in your home and one week in your partner’s house.
- Pretend that you are living together full time.
- Share as much about your experience as possible and take notes of your feelings.
- You can compare your experiences and decide what worked best.
- If both places presented significant issues, consider renting a new home for a week or two and see how you get on.
- During this ‘trial’ period, you will see what it’s like to live together.
- Make notes of things you like or don’t like and things that are a deal-breaker.
- Now is the time to be honest, open, and frank.
It might be enough to recognise your habits and talk about them. Or you may discover some more significant issues.
Keep notes of your experiences. They will help you reflect on your situation objectively.
Who should move in a long-distance relationship?
A new relationship needs new canvas. It’s great to visit each other to learn each other’s habits to make sure you are ok with them and can find a way to work out the things that you are not ok with, without the compromise.
Moving to a new flat/house in a new city in a new country means that both people start fresh and build their relationship and their environment together.
Living with another person can get complicated. So, getting it right from the beginning will go a long way, and it will bring you joy instead of a struggle.
If your partner is moving in with you, are you prepared to share your personal space with another person? Are you happy to share your space with this person? Remember, they are the one who left all they know to live with you. So expect that they would want to compensate for that comfort and security.
Can moving in together save a relationship?
If your long-distance relationship is going on for a long time, you should move in together.
Once you get to know each other online and visit each other a few times, it could be time to move in together. Before you move, make sure you and your long-distance partner are serious about your long-distance relationship.
If you don’t move in together when it’s time, your long-distance romantic relationship can start becoming a fictional relationship. A romantic relationship requires a couple to be together to have physical intimacy. While it can work just fine for a couple of months, long-term it won’t work out as well.
Can moving in together ruin a relationship?
If you are in a long-distance relationship with someone you’ve never met or only met a couple of times, it will be hard for you to tell if you’ll be able to live together.
It takes time to get to know someone, particularly someone you’ve met online.
When you are in a long-distance relationship with someone you met online, your relationship and the person is more of an idea in your mind. While you can make your long-distance relationship as beautiful as you like, when you move in together, you will face reality.
When you start living together with someone, you will have many challenges that come as a result of sharing your personal space with someone else.
Is it normal to fight when you move in together?
Moving in together, particularly after a long-distance relationship, can be very challenging, but at the same time exhilarating.
Let’s say you met someone online, and you share common interests, and you have common goals. So you’ve got to know each other well enough that you decide to move in together.
In the long-distance relationship, you have a lot of time to spend on doing the things you enjoy. In the meantime, you are also in a romantic relationship.
When you move in together after a long-distance relationship, you will have less time and less space to do things you enjoy. The relationship can take over your personal life and get in the way of achieving your life goals.
A relationship can also help you achieve your life goals and share quality time with your partner. You have better chances of having a successful relationship when living together if you prepare for it while you are getting to know each other over long-distance.
Can you move out without breaking up?
But, what if it doesn’t work out? After a dramatic exit, it’s not easy to face going back. So you risk being stuck in a situation where you don’t feel comfortable without an easy way out. Luckily, there is a simple solution.
Move-in together for a short while, without cutting any ties with your home place. Start by living for one week in your home and one week in your partner’s home. Share as much about your experience as possible and take notes of your feelings.
In the end, you can compare your experiences and decide what worked best. If both places presented significant issues, consider renting a new place for a week or two and see how you get on.
The purpose of this trial is to know what both of you can expect from each other. Sometimes small things mean a lot and you will have to find a way that works for both of you without compromising. Take notes of your experiences. They will give you something objective to reflect on.
You may notice that your feelings change or you might discover something that’s bothering you too much. As long as you feel comfortable to express your preferences to your partner freely, you can work out most of the issues. Together with your partner, you can make a plan that works for both of you.
If something serious comes up, take a break, reassess what’s important to you, and discuss it openly and honestly with your partner.
If you are no longer interested in this relationship, don’t make this mistake. Don’t decide on your own and inform your partner. Doing this almost guarantees one of you will feel like a victim.
There is a better way to break up and move out:
- Recognise how you feel.
- You can help yourself by reading ‘Emotions Revealed ‘.
- Share your feelings with your partner and take time to listen to them.
- Learn to communicate lovingly.
- With your partner, decide what works for both of you.
If you need help, get in touch.
In this article, we’ve talked how and when you should move in together in a long-distance relationship. After you move in, you may have a great time living together, or you may discover that living together doesn’t work for you.
You may find that living together with your long-distance partner doesn’t work. In that case, you should have a plan to move out and move on from this relationship. You may still be friends, or have a casual romantic relationship.
If one of you is growing impatient, you could move in together for a short while. Live together for a week or two, and see what it’s like. Roleplay it as if you were living together.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How to go from a long-distance relationship to living together?
To help you decide, answer these three questions:
1. Do you know each other well enough?
2. Are both of you ready to make this change?
3. Is it practically, financially, socially realistic?
How long after dating do you move in together?
This question has two aspects: practical and emotional. Practically it may be convenient to move in together or not. Emotionally you may be driven by excitement and might be tempted to rush into it, or you might be afraid and choose to put it off for a while longer. Discuss these aspects with your partner to build a better understanding.
How long should I wait before moving in?
Once you feel you know each other enough, it’s time to check in with reality. Before moving in permanently, have a go at living together for a few weeks or a month. This will give you a better idea if you are practically compatible with each other.
How long should you date long-distance before moving in together?
Before moving in together, you and your partner should get to know each other. Take all the time you need, as long as both of you are comfortable with it. Don’t compromise, just because one of you is more eager to take the next step. A strong foundation takes time to build.
Who should move in a long-distance relationship?
If one person doesn’t want or is not ready to move for some reason (family, friends, etc., then maybe it’s not worth it), then it isn’t the right time or partnership to move into. If you find a way to work it out, great, and if not, also ok. It means someone else resonates better with your values.
When should you give up on a long-distance relationship?
The idea of giving up has a connotation of failure, and nobody like to fail. So we do our best to make the relationship work even if we are not feeling any more. If your feelings change, express them to your partner and make a decision together.
How do you transition in a long-distance relationship?
The transition of moving in together, especially after a long-distance relationship is life-changing. That’s why I encourage my clients to have a trial move-in together to test the water. Practically it’s like having a holiday for a few weeks. In reality, it’s a role play, a simulation to see how you get on sharing the same space.
How do you know if your partner is ready to move in together?
The first sign that both of you are ready to move in together is you are feeling free to talk about it. The only way to know is to ask them. If you are feeling uncomfortable to ask, it means you are not ready. If your partner feels weird about this question, it means they are not prepared.
When is it time to move on from a long-distance relationship?
It would be best if you moved on from a long-distance relationship when it’s not working, and you can’t find a way to fix it. How you move on also makes a difference. Find a way to do it with care and understanding.
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