Starting a Long-Distance Relationship


Starting a long-distance relationship

Starting a long-distance relationship can be fun and exciting. It’s an opportunity to make a new friend or to build a long-term romantic relationship. But it’s also easy to make mistakes. This is your opportunity to get it right from the beginning.

  1. Before you start looking for a partner, ask yourself who is your ideal partner and what do you want from the relationship. Knowing what you’re looking for in a partner will make it easier to choose the right one.
  2. Understand your own values, beliefs, and preferences.
  3. Set some goals for your long-distance relationship. Make it clear for yourself what is it that you want to achieve at the end of this long-distance relationship.
  4. Are you looking for a friend, a fling, or a more serious relationship?
  5. Consider the cost of travelling to see your special someone.
  6. If you decide to live together, who is going to move?

If you are starting a new long-distance relationship, you are in the right place. I hope that what you learn today will help you start a healthy long-distance relationship with the person that shares your values and beliefs.

Long-distance relationships can be great, but they aren’t for everyone. To decide if it’s for you, first, let’s take a quick look at what a long-distance relationship is and what it isn’t.

Before we get into the nitty gritty of starting a long-distance relationship, here’s a quick video to give you an overview…

Now, let’s have a look at different aspects of starting a long-distance relationship in more detail…


What Is a Long-Distance Relationship?

What is a long-distance relationship?

A long-distance relationship (LDR) is a romantic relationship where partners are separated by a geographical distance. Long-distance relationships are great a short while, but with time they become increasingly difficult to maintain.

Starting a long-distance relationship online is different from meeting somebody in real life. In some aspects, it can be better, but in others, it can be more challenging.

Long-distance relationships are different from regular relationships. The obvious difference is that you cannot have a physical closeness for the time you are apart. Another big difference is the way you communicate.

In a long-distance relationship, most communication is online. And while you can see the person during your video calls, you don’t have the same feeling as when you converse face to face.

Normally, most of the communication happens through body language. When you’re talking to a person in front of you, you can look them in the eyes, see their posture and see their behaviour.

There’s a certain feeling you get, almost intuitive when you see somebody asking you questions or responding to yours. This feeling helps you decide how your conversation is going and direct your conversation one way or the other.


Is It Worth Starting a Long-Distance Relationship?

Is it worth starting a long-distance relationship?

Starting a long-distance relationship is worth it if you get on well together and have the money to travel and an opportunity to close the distance. Without the resources to see each other regularly, you are likely to feel sad and frustrated and it may not be worth the suffering.

Starting a long-distance relationship can be exciting and fun, but it also has its challenges. To decide if a long-distance relationship is worth it, let’s take a look at some advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages of Starting a Long-Distance Relationship

  • The world is your oyster. You can find someone close to home or in the other part of the world.
  • If you connect to someone from a different culture, you can start a relationship with them.
  • Online dating sites and apps let you filter by specific criteria.
  • If you have certain values, beliefs, and interests, you can identify if your special someone shares them early on.
  • You don’t have to respond straight away to their questions and can take the time you need to ask your own.
  • You can also use it as an opportunity to travel and potentially move to a different country.
  • You get a lot of time and space to focus on your personal goals and achievements.
  • Even though you may not see each other every day, when you do, it’s all more special.
  • A long-distance relationship could be one of the few ways you avoid taking each other for granted.

Disadvantages of Starting a Long-Distance Relationship

  • Meeting someone online can be misleading.
  • If people look for a relationship online, you need to know why. Can they not find someone nearby, or are they trying to run away from something?
  • Lack of physical intimacy. Some people need to be close to their partner more than others, so for them being apart is a lot harder. This may also lead to cheating.
  • Visiting each other can be expensive. And if you don’t have the money or the time to travel as much as you’d like, it will be a problem.
  • Communication in a long-distance relationship is different from a regular one. You can only express yourself verbally, which can be limiting. 
  • Misunderstandings are easy to arise and hard to solve. 
  • Feeling deprived of physical closeness can lead to jealousy and distrust.

When starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met focus on how you feel about this person. If you have special connection, a long-distance relationship is worth a shot. Even if you don’t see a way to be together at the moment, you may very well find it later on.

The only way to know if it’s worth starting a long-distance relationship is by getting to know each other. If you find you have a lot in common, and your goals and values align, why not give it a go. It may happen that you get on really well, but romantic feelings aren’t there. In this case, you may discover a platonic friend whom you can visit for a holiday.

Getting to know a new person who lives far away is exciting and challenging at the same time. Just remember to enjoy more and worry less.


Why Start a Long-Distance Relationship?

Starting a long-distance relationship allows you to connect with another person who is far away. But without seeing their body language or being able to touch them, its harder to assess your relationship.

That’s why getting to know someone long-distance can be challenging. That said, a long-distance relationship has its perks. For example, you can take your time to think about the questions you want to ask and the answers you want to give.


How to Start a Long-Distance Relationship?

Follow these steps to start your long-distance relationship the right way and give your long-distance relationship the best chance of working out:

  1. Set your personal and relationship goals.
  2. Make a plan to achieve these goals.
  3. Understand what is a long-distance relationship and what it involves.
  4. Set realistic expectations.
  5. Only make promises you know you can keep and will be happy to do so.
  6. Write down your reasons for being committed to this long-distance relationship.
  7. Discuss common problems of being in a long-distance relationship and how you will handle them.

Tips on Starting a Long-Distance Relationship

  • Keep in touch with your feelings and how they change as your situation develops.
  • Ask yourself if a long-distance relationship is for you.
  • Make a plan of how your long-distance relationship is going to work.
  • Assess your expectations from this long-distance relationship.
  • Ask your partner how they feel about a long-distance relationship.
  • Ask your partner about their expectations from your long-distance relationship.
  • Set the boundaries for your communication.
  • Agree on who is going to visit and how often.
  • Agree on how long your-long-distance phase will last.
  • Talk about moving-in after a long-distance when both of you are ready.
  • Before starting a long-distance relationship, consider your expectations. 
  • What are you trying to achieve with this relationship? Do you want a fling or are you looking for a life partner to build a family with? That said, be mindful of making plans, creating different scenarios, and worrying about it not working out. Before you know it, you start living in the future.
  • Get to know each other first, enjoy the present experience. 

Starting a Long-Distance Relationship Online

Starting a long-distance relationship online

Starting a long-distance relationship online allows you to meet many people until you find the right one for you. Keep in mind that you won’t really know them until you meet in real life. So try to arrange a visit as soon as you can.

How to Start a Long-Distance Relationship Online

  1. Be honest and open-minded about your intentions from the beginning. 
  2. Find out if you want the same things. 
  3. Be honest about your feelings and share them with your partner.
  4. Express yourself in a way that your special someone can understand. 

Many couples approach an online long-distance relationship as they would a normal relationship. They expect romance and physical affection. And they see the distance as an inconvenience.

But, what’s a romantic relationship without physical intimacy? It’s a friendship. A friendship over a long-distance can work very well.

But an online long-distance romantic relationship is only healthy for a short while. As people, we need a physical presence and physical touch to feel connected. In an online long-distance relationship, it’s hard to maintain this emotional connection for a long time without seeing each other. 

Couples compensate by spending more time talking on the phone or via the texts. This leads to excessive communication, which can be damaging to your personal lives. But no amount of phone conversations can fulfil the need for physical closeness. An online long-distance relationship is an incomplete romantic relationship. 

If you hide your thoughts and feelings in the beginning, when will you be ready to share them? 

Give this relationship a chance. If you agree on what you want from this relationship, brainstorm fun ideas on how it will work.

This couple’s journal if a great way to bring life and creativity into your relationship.


Starting a Long-Distance Relationship with Someone You Just Met

Starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met

Starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met is exciting and uncertain at the same time. When you feel a special connection with someone, you should embrace it with all its entirety. Don’t let the distance get in the way of your happiness.

You just met someone special. This someone touches you in all the right ways. You would love to get to know them better, but there’s a catch…they live miles away. And as special as they are, you inevitably start having doubts.

You might be asking yourself if this relationship has a future because of the distance and is it even worth considering?

It’s natural to have questions about whether this relationship can work and how long it can last. When something looks difficult and you don’t know what to do it’s normal to have doubts.

First, try to see that a long-distance relationship is a phase in a romantic relationship and not a complete romantic relationship. It’s an opportunity to get to know another person with an idea of one day living together.

When you start a long-distance relationship you can learn about each other’s personalities, values, and beliefs.

If you feel a connection, but your special someone doesn’t live close to you, it’s ok to be long-distance, to begin with.

When you feel a connection with someone, you should embrace it with all its entirety. So don’t let the distance get in the way of your happiness.

If you are looking for a partner who shares your values and beliefs, take a look at this workbook; it will help you get clear on what you want from a relationship and who is your special someone:

Find Your Special Someone Workbook

Here Is How You Can Start a Long-Distance Relationship with Someone You Just Met

  1. Check that you feel the same way.
  2. Talk to see if both of you are interested in the same kind of relationship.
  3. Are you happy to be in a long-distance relationship for some time?
  4. If you have romantic feelings, do you see a way to be physically together?

Tips on Starting a Long-Distance Relationship with Someone You Just Met

  • Recognise the fun part of being in a relationship.
  • When you met, you must’ve had fun. 
  • You enjoyed each other’s company. 
  • See things for what they are.
  • Share how you feel about each other and your relationship.
  • Tell them what you enjoyed about their company and ask how they feel about you. 
  • It’s good to know if your feelings are mutual.
  • Share how each of you sees your relationship.
  • Maybe you’ve had a fun time and are ready to move on. 
  • But you may have stronger feelings, which you would like to explore. 
  • Just check to see that you are on the same page.
  • Decide what you want from your relationship.
  • If you are on the same page, start exploring your relationship. 
  • And if it has to be long-distance, to begin with, that’s ok.

Starting a Long-Distance Relationship with a Friend

Starting a long-distance relationship with a friend

Long-distance friendship is great, but when you have romantic feelings, you need to share them with your friend. Before you tell your friend how you feel, take some time to learn about the romance in their life and if it’s the right time for them to be involved long-distance.

How to Start a Romantic Long-Distance Relationship with a Friend

  1. Ask your friend indirectly what they think about having a romantic relationship, who would be their ideal partner and if they are open to an idea of having a long-distance relationship.
  2. If you get a hint that your friend also may have feelings for you, share your true feelings with your friend.
  3. Ask how they feel about you.
  4. If both of you feel the same, make a plan to see each other to check if you feel right being a couple.
  5. Agree that no matter what, you will still be friends.

It’s important that you express how you feel to your friend. And if they don’t feel the same, that’s ok. But if they can also see the two of you being together romantically, then give it a go.

Trust is the foundation of friendship. A romantic relationship is a friendship that also involves physical intimacy.

As long as you always remain honest and upfront with your feelings, you’ll find your way to have a healthy and happy relationship. Maybe it will be a passionate romantic relationship or it can be a beautiful friendship.

Being friends with someone means you already have a relationship.

So what you might be asking yourself is: do your feelings have a romantic nature. It’s normal to be afraid to bring up the possibility of a long-distance romantic relationship. Because it may destroy your friendship. But you owe it to yourself to acknowledge how you feel. 

It’s fine to share your feelings with your friend. They might feel the same but are worried about bringing it up. And if they don’t feel the same, that’s also ok, as long as you don’t feel rejected.

Everyone has the right to have their own feelings and if they have someone to share them with, that’s a true friendship.


Starting a Long-Distance Relationship in College

Starting a long-distance relationship in college

While starting a long-distance relationship in college is common, it is also common for it to fail. It doesn’t mean that you should break up if one of you goes to college. What it means is that you should talk about reality and agree on how you will handle the distance and the change of feelings.

Teenagers and people in their early 20s can find themselves in a long-distance relationship when they go to college or university that is far away from their home. Long-distance relationships can be challenging. And going to college means meeting new people going to parties making friends and possibly having relationships.

Having a long-distance relationship while in college can keep you from exploring this new and exciting world.

Colleges and universities are places full of opportunities to meet new people and socialise. For younger people, it’s also an opportunity to explore themselves and grow as individuals.

To grow as a person, you need to say yes to some things, and no to others. If you have an opportunity to mix with different people from different cultures, it opens your eyes to different norms, values, and beliefs.

In a long-distance relationship, you have to restrain yourself from experiencing new things and embracing these opportunities.

After some time, your relationship will feel like a burden. You’re not going to be happy about having to hold yourself back all the time.

You will find yourself being constantly torn between spending time with your partner who is not there and this new world of new experiences right in front of you.

That said, if you are facing a long-distance relationship due to college, here’s what you could do…

How to Start a Long-Distance Relationship In College

  1. Talk to each other openly and honestly.
  2. Decide if you want to stay together in a long-distance relationship for a few years.
  3. If you don’t see it working, take a break.
  4. If you decide to try and make it work, make a plan.
  5. Agree on how often you will talk to each other and see each other.
  6. Consider an open long-distance relationship while in college.

Conclusion

Starting a long-distance relationship can be a lot of fun. It allows you to connect with another person across the world or keep in touch with your existing partner. Is it easy? No more than any other relationship. Is it difficult? Only if you don’t know what you are getting yourself into.

A long-distance relationship is a romantic relationship where you are physically apart. It’s important not to confuse it with a real romantic relationship where physical intimacy isn’t restricted by the distance.

A long-distance is a phase in a relationship. If you live in different places, for some time you will be apart. Physical intimacy will be a luxury, reserved for special visits. During this time there’s a lot you can learn about each other.

Starting a long-distance relationship is different from starting a relationship face to face. The biggest difference is the lack of physical intimacy. When you start a new long-distance relationship, it’s normal to have doubts. After all, you have strong feelings for someone, and you want your relationship to work out. 

In this article, we’ve seen how distance affects a relationship. Of course, there will be challenges, so keep an eye on how you feel and work on your communication. If your relationship becomes serious, here’s an article on how you can make your long-distance relationship work.

Don’t let the distance stop you from trying to have a relationship with a special someone.


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Frequently Asked Questions

Can you start a long-distance relationship?

You can start a long-distance relationship with someone you’ve met online or in real life. To make it successful, you should plan to visit each other frequently and have an end date for your long-distance relationship.

How to start a long-distance relationship?

Here are 3 things you should consider when starting a long-distance relationship:
1. Enjoy this experience and have fun.
2. Get to know each other’s interests, values, and beliefs.
3. Don’t make the distance last longer than it needs.

What to consider before starting a long-distance relationship?

It’s too easy to get bogged down into what is and is not possible. Worrying about the future takes you away from enjoying the present. As your relationship develops, your feelings change. If you stay in touch with your feelings, you will know what to do as your relationship develops.
For now, take note of how you feel and have fun with this new adventure. The main thing you need to consider when starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met is how you feel about this person.

What to know before starting a long-distance relationship?

If you live in different places, for some time you will be apart. And the reality is that physical intimacy will be a luxury, reserved for special visits. The distance has its nuances, but you can use it to your advantage. You just need to know how to do it. The good part is that there is a lot you can learn about each other in the meantime. How long the long-distance phase will last, is up to you. You don’t need to suffer being apart and wishing to be together. Use the time apart to get to know each other. If you like what you learn, when you are ready, make a plan to take the next step.

Is it worth starting a long-distance relationship?

If you like the person and the feeling is mutual, then starting a relationship is definitely worth it. Your relationship may develop into a friendship, or you might have a family and grow old together.

Can online long-distance relationships work?

To make your romantic long-distance relationship work, you should know how long it will last. It can work for a few months without any issue but making it a long-term, long-distance relationship won’t work. Instead, it will likely become a struggle and will make your life harder.

How do you start a long-distance relationship?

• Get to know each other
• Share your feelings
• Decide if you want the same things
• Make a plan to move in together

Is a long-distance relationship worth it?

If you like the person and the feeling is mutual, then starting a relationship is worth it. Your relationship may develop into a friendship or you might have a family and grow old together. Don’t let the distance stop you from trying.

Should you start a long-distance relationship?

Starting a long-distance relationship can be exciting and fun, but it also has its challenges. If you have feelings for someone who lives far away, then you should give it a go.

What should I know before starting a long-distance relationship?

Before starting a long-distance relationship you should know what it is and what it’s like to be in one. Consider what it involves and decide if it’s for you.

How to talk about starting a long-distance relationship?

Express your feelings and intentions to the person you like. Ask if they feel the same, and if they want the same thing from this long-distance relationship.

Can friendship become a relationship?

A long-distance friendship can last for a long time. But if you become romantic partners, you should make a plan to move in together at some point.


How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?

Alex Barinov

Hi, I’m Alex:) I am a relationship coach. My passions include understanding life, relationships and human behaviour. As a coach, I help couples resolve their conflicts and create a harmonious and loving relationship.

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