You just met someone and you are considering to have a relationship with them. They don’t live close to you, so you are worried if this relationship can work. It’s normal to have doubts when something looks difficult and you don’t know what to do about it.
Starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met can be a lot of fun. You find them special and hopefully they feel the same way. But, you are right to have questions about whether this relationship can work and how long it can last.
This journey comprises 3 stages:
- Meeting the person and deciding to start a relationship.
- Getting to know them long-distance.
- Moving in together.
This 3 part series, will help you navigate a relationship that involves a long distance.
Here, in part 1, you will learn what to consider before starting a long-distance relationship.
In part 2, I will show you how to make a long-distance relationship work until you are ready to move in.
Finally, part 3 will be for those of you who decide to move in together after a long-distance phase of your relationship.
Let’s dive right in…
Is it worth starting a distance relationship?
You met a person who picked your interest.
They live far away, but you are considering the possibility of a relationship. You know you like them, but you also want to know how they feel about you.
- Hope and assume that they like you.
- Be afraid of asking how they feel.
- Take it personally if don’t share the same feelings as you. We all have our preferences.
- Express your feelings clearly.
- Remember that you can only express how you are feeling right now, as your feelings will change in the future.
- Ask them how they feel about you.
Don’t let the distance get in the way of a special connection.
If you like the person and the feeling is mutual, then starting a relationship is definitely worth it. Your relationship may develop into a friendship or you might have a family and grow old together.
Expectations in a long distance relationship
Probably the most important point to remember is that a long-distance relationship is not a complete romantic relationship. A friendship, for example, can be just fine when you live in different parts of the world. You can even visit each other, which can be an amazing holiday.
In contrast, a romantic relationship involves physical intimacy. People expect a long-distance relationship to be just like a normal one, which is impossible. You are deprived of physical closeness, an essential part of a romantic relationship. Gifts, bracelets, presents, apps and virtual dates are not going to replace that.
There is a popular opinion that a long-distance relationship is hard. The reason it has this reputation is that people are trying to turn it into something that it’s not. Expecting a complete romantic relationship without physical intimacy is like expecting to drive a car without the fuel. You can only push so far before you get tired. And it’s also hard work.
A long-distance relationship is a phase, not a type of relationship.
What to consider before starting a long distance relationship?
It’s too easy to get bogged down into what is and is not possible. Worrying about the future takes you away from enjoying the present. As your relationship develops, you’re feeling will change. If you stay in touch with your feelings, you will know what to do as your relationship develops. For now, take note of how you feel and have fun with this new adventure.
The only thing you need to consider when starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met, is how you feel about this person.
What to know before starting a long-distance relationship?
If you live in different places, for some time you will be apart.
And the reality is that physical intimacy will be a luxury, reserved for special visits.
The distance has its nuances, but you can use it to your advantage. You just need to know how to do it.
The good part is that there is a lot you learn about each other in the meantime.
How long the long-distance phase will last, is up to you.
You don’t need to suffer being apart and wishing to be together.
Use the time apart to get to know each other.
If you like what you learn, when you are ready, make a plan to take the next step.
Getting to know a new person is exciting, so have fun with it.
How to talk about starting a long-distance relationship?
While your feelings are the only thing that matters when you just meet someone, there are things you can do to before starting a long-distance relationship:
- Get clear what exactly you are feeling (excitement, physical attraction, intellectual interest, etc.).
- Share your feelings openly and honestly with your special someone.
- Ask them how they are feeling.
- Don’t expect them to tell you what you want to hear.
- Be ok with everything they say.
- Express your intentions (you may want to have a long-distance fling, an open relationship, a friendship or start a romantic relationship)
- Ask them for their intentions.
After this exchange, you may find that both of you want the same thing, which is great.
At the same time don’t be afraid of a little disappointment or sadness if it will not be the case.
Honesty is more important than a bit of disappointment in learning that the other person may feel differently from you.
Talking about your feelings is a great way to begin a healthy relationship.
What to do before starting a long-distance relationship?
So, you’ve met a special someone and talked about your feelings and intentions.
By being open and honest with each other, you’ve set a strong foundation for a relationship.
If you found that your feelings and intentions are different, you have learnt how to talk honestly with someone you like.
Go ahead and try that again with someone else 🙂
But let’s say your feelings are mutual and you want to have a go at having a relationship.
The question that comes to your mind at this point is if you can make it work long-distance.
Another question is how long can a long-distance relationship last.
Both of them are valid questions.
A lot of couples find it hard to be away for long period of time.
To get ahead in your relationship, discuss with your special someone how important physical intimacy is for each of you.
If one of you need it more than the other, then being exclusive will be more difficult for that person.
Throw around some ideas of where and how often it would be fun to meet.
Whether it will work or not, time will show.
For now, take it easy and come up with some ideas of how you would like it to be in the ideal world.
Before starting a long-distance relationship have fun and be creative.
Questions to ask before starting a long-distance relationship
- Ask yourself about your own feelings
- Ask your special someone about their feelings
- Ask what they want from being with you
- Do they want to have a relationship with you
- What type of relationship do they prefer
- How often do they want to be physically intimate
- Are they ok with a temporary long-distance relationship to get to know each other
How to start a long-distance relationship?
After being honest about your feelings and openly sharing them, you decided to give your relationship a chance.
You agreed on the type of relationship along with some fun ideas on how it will work.
Now you are ready to change your relationship status:)
Starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met can be fun and exciting. It’s an opportunity to make a new friend or to build a long-term romantic relationship. In this article, we’ve covered the most important aspects to consider before starting a relationship.
Remember, a long-distance relationship is not a complete relationship. It’s a period when your relationship will have limited physical intimacy. It has its challenges, but don't worry, I will guide you through them in my next article.
Getting Some Help
I have made the above tips as practical as possible, but if you are struggling and could do with some help, here is how you can get it:
- Join our Facebook page for quotes and ideas to help you with your relationship.
- Visit our Facebook group. To see how people in the same situation handle their long-distance relationship. Our coaches are part of that group, so you will get professional advice too.
- Take our assessment quiz and receive a personalised response from a relationship coach.
- Book your online coaching session to discuss your situation with a relationship coach.
- Have a virtual appointment together with your partner.