Things Not to Do in a Long-Distance Relationship

What Should You Not Do in a Long-Distance Relationship

Long-distance relationships can be hard to maintain. You can make it easier for yourself by avoiding some common mistakes:

  • Don’t assume that a long-distance relationship is like the one when you live together.
  • Don’t expect much of physical intimacy.
  • Don’t try to communicate like you would in a regular relationship.
  • Don’t use abbreviations and shortcuts when sending text messages.
  • Don’t spend too much time on the phone with your long-distance pattern.
  • Don’t give each other silent treatment.
  • Don’t suppress your feelings and desires.
  • Don’t try to make a long-distance relationship work without a plan and a timeline for moving in together.
  • Don’t avoid talking about meaningful things that matter to you and that are important for your relationship.
  • Don’t be needy and clingy.
  • Don’t get jealous and controlling.
  • Don’t lie and be dishonest.
  • Don’t let your doubt fester inside.
  • Don’t let assumptions and rush to conclusions ruin your long-distance relationship.

This list of things you shouldn’t do in the long-distance relationship can go on. So today, I’d like to talk about the main things you should avoid if you want to have a healthy long-distance relationship.

How to not overthink in a long-distance relationship? 

Long-distance relationships carry a lot of uncertainty. Combine this uncertainty with the fact that you spend a lot of time without your partner and you end up with a lot of doubt that you need to handle all by yourself.

When you think about one negative aspect of your relationship, your thoughts can take you in lots of dark places. If you don’t share your opinions with your partner, you will have to deal with them by yourself. It can be tough to get out of this cycle of negative thinking when there is nobody who can share it with.

If you leave your doubts unaddressed, at some point, they will come up destructively. You’ll be better off sharing your thoughts, doubts, and concerns with your long-distance partner as soon as you have them. Otherwise, if you suppress them, they will still come up later through your behaviour that will be harder to manage.

When you get the ball of negative thoughts and assumptions rolling, it will grow into an issue, unless you address it right away.

One way to avoid overthinking is to get the facts right about your situation. If you have any doubts about your long-distance partner or your relationship, the best thing to do is talk to them about things that bother you. Or open the note your partner will be appreciative of you sharing your thoughts and feelings and will be happy to help you.

The moment you address the thoughts that bother you, they will no longer have as much power over your behaviour. And, you will also have a partner on your side to deal with uncertainties and fears you might have about your relationship.

How not to be needy in a long-distance relationship?

When you are in a long-distance relationship, you will have several unfulfilled needs. They can range from needs for love and understanding to physical company and sexual needs.

If you don’t recognise these needs and find a way to manage them, they will control your behaviour. As a result, you might come across as needy to your long-distance partner. For example, suppose you feel sexually frustrated, and you take out this frustration during your conversation with your long-distance partner. In that case, that can bring tension into your relationship.

If you don’t recognise these needs and find a way to manage them, they will control your behaviour. As a result, you might come across as needy to your long-distance partner.

For example, suppose you feel sexually frustrated, and you take this frustration out during conversations with your partner. In that case, it can bring tension to your relationship and will make it less enjoyable and harder to manage.

This neediness can also be uncomfortable for your long-distance partner as they will be confused as to why you behave this way. Even if your partner and realises that your frustration comes from the lack of physical intimacy, the recent anything they can immediately do to solve it.

A healthier way to manage your needs is to share them with your long-distance partner. But you can only do that when you are aware of them.

If you are feeling sad, frustrated, or depressed, take some time to recognise what unfulfilled needs are behind these negative feelings. Once you are clear on your needs, you’ll be able to share them clearly with your partner. If your partner cares about you and your relationship, they will try to do their best and help you address these needs.

For example, if you are struggling with the lack of physical intimacy, perhaps the two of you can arrange more frequent visits or go on a spontaneous trip together. Alternatively, you can move up the day of moving in together.

How not to be clingy in a long-distance relationship? 

Being clingy is a form of attachment. When you are in a relationship, you get used to having this person in your life. After some time, they become part of your decision-making process, celebrations, and support during the difficult periods.

While a certain degree of attachment is normal and expected in the relationship, clinginess can be unhealthy and damaging.

Excessive communication, while in the long-distance relationship, is an example of clinginess. Understandably, you may struggle to maintain a connection while being away from your romantic partner. As a consequence, you would want to talk to them as much as you can.

But the problem with excessive communication is that at some point you will run out of things to say. Spending too much too long on the phone with your partner will also take the time away from you been able to do the things you love and enjoy. In the end, you will run out of things to say, and your conversations will become boring.

When you have a monotonous relationship, at some point you and your partner will lose interest in it.

Suppose you don’t do anything exciting with your life. In that case, you won’t have anything interesting to share with your long-distance partner. So try to maintain a balance of maintaining the connection with your partner while getting on with your life. 

How not to be jealous in a long-distance relationship?

Jealousy is the envy of another person’s advantages or their success. In the long-distance relationship, jealousy manifests as in being your partner’s friends for being able to spend time with your partner.

It is understandable that you might be frustrated because you want to be with your long-distance partner, but unable to do so. And when your partner tells you all the fun things they do in their life, you can expect to feel jealous.

It’s hard to avoid jealousy. But there are a few things you can do to handle it.

One thing is to be happy for your partner that they are enjoying their life. A long-distance relationship is probably quite hard for them, as well. So if they find a way to be happy instead of struggling and suffering, that’s great.

Another thing you can do is to bring more fun and excitement into your life. For example, if you find yourself depressed from being alone, spend some time with your family or go out with your friends. Doing so will help you shift your focus from things you cannot have an appreciation of things and people in your life.

How not to cheat in a long-distance relationship?

Cheating in the long-distance relationship happens because of the lack of physical intimacy. When you live together with your romantic partner, sexual intimacy isn’t an issue, unless you have some other problems going on.

When you are in a romantic long-distance relationship, you may go for weeks or even months without seeing your partner. Seeing how it’s a romantic relationship, you expect to be physically close and intimate with another person. So you can expect to feel frustrated and disappointed when this doesn’t happen.

Some people need sexual intimacy more often than others. One thing you can do to manage this issue of physical intimacy is to talk about it when you start your long-distance relationship. If you can, try to plan to visit each other as often as you need.

Many couples, however, don’t have the luxury of seeing each other as often as they would like. When this happens, and your long-distance relationship lasts for a while, first you may suppress your sexual desires. But after some time, this oppression can become unbearable, and you may end up cheating on your long-distance back.

You can avoid cheating is to express your frustrations and desires with your long-distance partner before acting on them.

When you share your feelings with your partner, they can actively participate in trying to find a solution with you. If you don’t tell them how you feel, they won’t know that this problem exists and so won’t have a clue about what to do about it.

What to do if a long-distance relationship is not working? 

If your long-distance relationship isn’t working, you can either try to fix it or let it go.

The only way you can fix problems in a long-distance relationship is if both you and your long-distance partner have the willingness to do so. As long as both of you are prepared to hear each other’s point of view, you can find solutions to most problems.

You need to have an effective, clear, and honest communication if you were to fix problems in your relationship. 

After you’ve talked to your partner about things that bother you and different aspects of your relationship that aren’t working, you may find a solution that works for both of you. That said, you may also discover that your long-distance relationship isn’t working because your feelings have faded away. Or one of you might have developed feelings for someone else.

When you are away from your romantic partner for a long time, you risk drifting apart. Instead of sharing the same experiences, you live two different lives.

If you discover that long-distance relationship is no longer working for you, you have a few options:

  1. If your problem is the distance, you can try to move in sooner. 
  2. When the problem is the lack of physical intimacy, you could consider an open long-distance relationship.
  3. You may also discover that your feelings have changed, but you still want to have each other in your lives. In this case, you may consider staying friends.
  4. It’s also okay to end your relationship entirely, as long as you do so together and with understanding.


A long-distance relationship can be a challenging experience. Getting to know someone online can be fun and exciting. But after a few months, if you consider a serious relationship, you should meet.

If you are in a relationship with someone you’ve never met, it’s not a real relationship. You don’t know the person and what it’s like to be with them until you meet in real life.

A long-distance may have come into your existing relationship. In this case, you can maintain emotional intimacy through affective communication and physical intimacy by visiting each other frequently. However, you can only do so for a few months before your long-distance relationship starts getting complicated.

Lack of physical intimacy can lead to sexual frustration that can spill into different aspects of your relationship in your life. Trying to maintain a long-distance relationship that isn’t working is hard and in many cases are necessary.

The best way to navigate the long-distance relationship is by talking about your thoughts and feelings with your long-distance partner as soon as they come to your mind.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What should we not do in LDR?

To maintain a healthy and successful long-distance relationship, try to avoid excessive communication but talk regularly. Avoid spending too much time on the phone, but when you do, discuss something exciting and meaningful. You should regularly visit each other to maintain physical intimacy. To spice up your relationship, go for spontaneous trips together.

Should long-distance couples talk every day?

You can talk every day as long as it doesn’t take away from living your life. When you talk too much, you will run out of things to say, and your conversations can become tiresome. Boring conversations little doll relationship and nobody wants that. Try to find a balance between living your life and maintaining a connection with your long-distance partner.

Alex Larryngton

Hi, I’m Alex:) As a Relationship Coach, I am someone you come to when you feel stuck in a relationship and want to find a way out.

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