Long-distance relationships can be hard to maintain. You can make it easier for yourself by avoiding some common mistakes.
- Don’t assume that a long-distance relationship is like one face to face.
- Don’t expect to have much physical intimacy.
- Don’t try to communicate like you would in a regular relationship.
- Don’t use abbreviations and shortcuts when sending text messages.
- Don’t spend too much time on the phone with your long-distance pattern.
- Don’t give each other the silent treatment.
- Don’t suppress your feelings and desires.
- Don’t try to make a long-distance relationship work without a plan and a timeline for moving in together.
- Don’t avoid talking about meaningful things that matter to you and that are important for your relationship.
- Don’t be needy and clingy.
- Don’t get jealous and controlling.
- Don’t lie and be dishonest.
- Don’t let your doubt fester inside.
- Don’t assume and rush to conclusions that can ruin your long-distance relationship.
This list of things you shouldn’t do in the long-distance relationship can go on and on. Here, we’ll talk about the main things you should avoid if you want to have a healthy long-distance relationship.
How to not Overthink in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Long-distance relationships carry a lot of uncertainty. Combine this uncertainty with the fact that you spend a lot of time without your partner and you end up with lots of doubts that you need to handle all by yourself.
When you think about one negative aspect of your relationship, your thoughts can take you to dark places. If you don’t share your opinions with your partner, you will have to deal with them by yourself. It can be tough to get out of this negative thinking cycle when there is nobody to share it with.
If you leave your doubts unaddressed, at some point, they will become destructive. You’ll be better off sharing your thoughts, doubts, and concerns with your long-distance partner as soon as you have them. Otherwise, if you suppress them, they will show up later through your behaviour.
When you get the ball of negative thoughts and assumptions rolling, it will grow into an issue, unless you address it right away.
One way to avoid overthinking is to get the facts right about your situation. If you have any doubts about your long-distance partner or relationship, the best thing to do is talk about the things that bother you. Share your thoughts and feelings; your partner will be happy to help you.
The moment you address the thoughts that bother you, they will no longer have as much power over your behaviour. You will also have a partner on your side to deal with the uncertainties and fears you might have about your relationship.
How not to Be Needy in a Long-Distance Relationship?
When you are in a long-distance relationship, you will have several unfulfilled needs. They can range from needs for love and understanding to physical company and sexual needs.
If you don’t recognise these needs and find a way to manage them, they will control your behaviour. As a result, you might come across as needy to your long-distance partner. For example, suppose you feel sexually frustrated, and you take out this frustration during your conversation with your long-distance partner. In that case, that can bring tension into your relationship.
If you don’t recognise these needs and find a way to manage them, they will control your behaviour. As a result, you might come across as needy to your long-distance partner.
This neediness can also be uncomfortable for your long-distance partner as they will be confused as to why you behave this way. Even if your partner realises that your frustration comes from the lack of physical intimacy, there’s nothing they can immediately do to solve it.
A healthier way to manage your needs is to share them with your long-distance partner. But you can only do that when you are aware of them.
If you feel sad, frustrated, or depressed, take some time to recognise what unfulfilled needs are behind these negative feelings. Once you are clear on your needs, you’ll be able to share them clearly with your partner. If your partner cares about you and your relationship, they will try to do their best and help you address these needs.
For example, if you are struggling with the lack of physical intimacy, perhaps the two of you can arrange more frequent visits or go on a spontaneous trip together. Alternatively, you can move up the day of moving in together.
How not to Be Clingy in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Being clingy is a form of attachment. When you are in a relationship, you get used to having this person in your life. After some time, they become part of your decision-making process, celebrations, and support during the difficult periods.
While a certain degree of attachment is normal and expected in the relationship, clinginess can be unhealthy and damaging.
Excessive communication, while in a long-distance relationship, is an example of clinginess. Understandably, you may struggle to maintain a connection while being away from your romantic partner. As a consequence, you would want to talk to them as much as you can.
But the problem with excessive communication is that you will run out of things to say at some point. Spending too much time on the phone with your partner will also take the time away from doing the things you love and enjoy. In the end, you will run out of things to say, and your conversations will become boring.
When you have a monotonous relationship, at some point you and your partner will lose interest in it.
Suppose you don’t do anything exciting with your life. In that case, you won’t have anything interesting to share with your long-distance partner. Try to maintain a balance of maintaining the connection with your partner while getting on with your life.
Effective communication is a key to make your long-distance relationship work. To help you along, here’s a workbook that will take you step by step through everything you need to know about communication in your relationship.
How not to Be Jealous in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Jealousy is the envy of another person’s advantages or their success. In a long-distance relationship, jealousy can manifest; for example, when your partner spends time with their friends.
It’s understandable that you might be frustrated because you want to be with your long-distance partner, but unable to do so. And when your partner tells you all the fun things they do in their life, you can expect to feel jealous.
It’s hard to avoid jealousy. But there are a few things you can do to handle it.
One thing is to be happy that your partner is enjoying their life. A long-distance relationship is probably quite hard for them, as well. So if they find a way to be happy instead of struggling and suffering, that’s great.
Another thing you can do is to bring more fun and excitement into your life. For example, if you find yourself depressed from being alone, spend some time with your family or go out with your friends. Doing so will help you shift your focus from things you cannot have and appreciate people in your life.
Making your relationship fun and exciting is essential if you are to get through the distance phase while still being happy together. This workbook has a ton of ideas as well as a hands on things for you to do together:
How not to Cheat in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Cheating in the long-distance relationship happens because of the lack of physical intimacy. When you live together with your romantic partner, sexual intimacy isn’t an issue unless you have other problems.
When you are in a romantic long-distance relationship, you may go for weeks or even months without seeing your partner. It’s quite common to feel sexually frustrated and disappointed when you cannot be together as much as you’d like.
Some people need sexual intimacy more often than others. What you can do to manage the lack of physical intimacy if it’s an issue for you, is talking about it with your partner from the beginning. If you can, plan to visit each other as often as you need.
However, many couples don’t have the luxury of seeing each other as often as they would like. When this happens, and your long-distance relationship lasts for a while, first you may suppress your sexual desires. But after some time, this oppression can become unbearable, and you may end up cheating on your long-distance partner.
You can avoid cheating by expressing your frustrations and desires with your long-distance partner before acting on them.
When you share your feelings with your partner, they can actively find a solution with you. If you don’t tell them how you feel, they won’t know that this problem exists.
What to Do if a Long-Distance Relationship Is not Working?
The only way you can fix problems in a long-distance relationship is if both of you have the willingness to do so. As long as both of you are prepared to hear each other’s perspective, you can find solutions to most problems.
After you’ve talked to your partner about things that bother you and different aspects of your relationship that aren’t working, you may find a solution that works for both of you. That said, you may also discover that your long-distance relationship isn’t working because your feelings have faded away. Or one of you might have developed feelings for someone else.
When you are away from your romantic partner for a long time, you risk drifting apart. Instead of sharing the same experiences, you live two different lives.
If you discover that a long-distance relationship is no longer working for you, you have a few options:
- If your problem is the distance, you can try to move in sooner.
- When the problem is the lack of physical intimacy, you could consider an open long-distance relationship.
- You may also discover that your feelings have changed, but you still want to have each other in your lives. In this case, you may consider staying friends.
- It’s also okay to end your relationship entirely, as long as you do so together and with understanding.
It can certainly be challenging to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship. And that’s why we’ve created this workbook that covers many aspects of an LDR and allows you and your partner to work together on your relationship:
If you are in a relationship with someone you’ve never met, it’s not a real relationship. You don’t know the person and what it’s like to be with them until you meet in real life.
A long-distance may have come into your existing relationship. In this case, you can maintain emotional intimacy through effective communication and physical intimacy by visiting each other frequently. However, you can only do so for a few months before your long-distance relationship starts getting complicated.
Lack of physical intimacy can lead to sexual frustration that can spill into different aspects of your relationship in your life. Trying to maintain a long-distance relationship that isn’t working is hard and in many cases are necessary.
The best way to navigate a long-distance relationship is by talking about your thoughts and feelings with your long-distance partner as soon as they come to your mind.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What should we not do in LDR?
To maintain a healthy and successful long-distance relationship, avoid excessive communication but talk regularly. Avoid spending too much time on the phone, but discuss something exciting and meaningful when you do. Visit each other regularly to maintain physical intimacy. To spice up your relationship, go for spontaneous trips together.
Should long-distance couples talk every day?
You can talk every day as long as it doesn’t take away from living your life. When you talk too much, you will run out of things to say, and your conversations can become tiresome. Boring conversations lead to a dull relationship. Try to find a balance between living your life and maintaining a connection with your long-distance partner.
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